I’ve been feeling a little bit more positive of late. Yes believe it or not just because I suffer with a mental illness such as depression it doesn’t mean that I’m permanently miserable and spending every day feeling sorry for myself. Far from it. Sure I have those periods where I feel that the world is an unbearable place and I can’t see a my own hand in front of my face due to a pea-souper of a brain fog but I do also have a few days here and there where I feel like everything is going to be alright. It’s those days where I feel particularly motivated to try and move on with things, to make some life-changing decisions, to live.
I’m not entirely sure what’s triggered this sudden spike in positivity. There’s potential that my slight change in meds has made a contribution to how I’m feeling. Although I personally think they need a little more time to really bed in. No, I think it has more to do with the sheer wealth of support and good advice that I’ve been receiving from my support network of friends both in real life and on Twitter.
You see I’m somebody that has always struggled to make friends in real life, and it’s often been the case that those I do manage to make friends with end up letting me down after a while. I suppose you could say that I’ve developed serious trust issues over the past year. It always used to be the case that I would trust everyone 100% unless they gave me a reason not to. These days it’s the exact opposite. I won’t, no – I can’t trust anybody I meet until they give me a reason to trust them. Even then I’m extremely cautious around new people that happen to come into my life.
Because of this I only have two people in my life other than my partner that I would refer to as my actual friends. Both of those people suffer with different mental illnesses – which is probably why we can relate to each other so well. They’ve been there for me when I’ve been at my absolute lowest and vice-versa. So there’s a good strong level of trust that’s been built up there which helps to sustain each friendship.
My friends on Twitter as well have been nothing short of brilliant. It seems a bit weird actually to refer to them as if they’re not real friends because they are. It’s just that I only get to see them as words and an avatar rather than as a real physical form. That doesn’t make them any less important though. Far from it.
That’s the great thing about Twitter compared to the other social networks, (Don’t get me started on Facebook!) it allows you to connect easily with people from all over the world that you share a common interest with. In my case it has allowed me to build up a strong support network of friends who each suffer with similar mental illnesses to me. Each and every one of those people have offered me valuable advice and support when I’ve needed it the most and I hope that in some small way I’ve managed to do the same for them. In a way I feel like the relationships that I’m building up with my friends on Twitter is helping me to get back on track and move forward with my life.
Many people might knock the likes of Twitter and other social networks and unfairly label them as a waste of time. But for those of us who have felt frightfully alone before and like there was nobody else out there suffering in a similar way to us they are a vital tool to help us stay alive.