So things have been pretty good over the past couple of weeks in terms of my mental health. I feel like my current combination of meds are doing the job that they’re supposed to do and that my overall mood has been greatly improved. It’s like the big, thick cloud of black fog that has been surrounding my mind for the past year has finally started to disperse, allowing me to think a little clearer and survey the damage.
I’m pleased to say as well that my frequent episodes of self-harming have stopped as well. At least for now anyway. Instead I’m focusing as much as a I can on self-care and re-training my damaged mind to react differently to those challenging situations that life tend to regularly throw at us. The CBT course that I’m starting this coming Tuesday should, fingers crossed, help with that side of things as well. It’s a four week course in stress-management, taught on a one-on-one basis through my local IAPT service. Now I’m aware that I’ve been incredibly dismissive of IAPT as a “one size fits all” solution to everyone’s mental health issues, but sometimes you just have to bit the bullet and take whatever’s on offer.
I’m also at a stage now where I’m feeling strong enough to go back to work. I’ll be returning to my former position on a phased basis that is being recommended by my GP. Initially I’ll only be working for 3 hours a day, 3 days a week so I’ll still be at home for most of the time. But those initial 9 hours a week will allow me to get used to some sort of routine again, and to being in a busy office surrounded by people. I think it’ll be a bit of shock to the system but I need to do it. I’m climbing the walls at home now with boredom and I really think I need some sort of purpose in life again. Plus the extra money coming in will be a great help of course!
I guess what I’m trying to get at with this post is that things can and will get better. It might seem during your darkest moments that things will never improve, but they will. There IS light at the end of that tunnel. Trust me. I’ve been there.